


five times Silena thought she knew what love was, and the one time she was certain

by kitty_pryde_bi_pride



Series: 5+1 Works [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: 5+1 Things, Aphrodite Cabin - Freeform, Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Love, Manipulative Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24455923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitty_pryde_bi_pride/pseuds/kitty_pryde_bi_pride
Summary: She’s wasted years trying to figure out what love was meant to be, but now she knows: love is selfless, love is kindness, love is whatever she wants it to be.
Relationships: Silena Beauregard & Clarisse la Rue, Silena Beauregard/Charles Beckendorf
Series: 5+1 Works [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1766371
Comments: 3
Kudos: 53





	five times Silena thought she knew what love was, and the one time she was certain

Silena is pretty – she’s told this, all her family is, they’re known for it – but she doesn’t know what that means. 

She knows boys watched her, other campers, some older than her, and she feels scared. Her siblings tease her, late at night in their cabin, tell her about what love should be, and she doesn’t get it and feels like she’s failing her mother in some way by being so hopeless, but she is far too young to know how to approach a boy and talk to them. 

No one ever approached her, either, too intimidated by who her mother was, until Luke Castellan. 

He was a few years older than her, a year-round camper just like her, and he had been on a quest. 

They’re on a field trip to Mount Olympus, one of the first times Silena has ventured outside the camp since she first arrived years ago, and Luke asks her out.

She turns bright red and stammers out a yes, listening carefully as Luke tells her she needs to cover for him for a few hours that night while he gets things ready for their date.

She thinks they’re not supposed to leave the group on Mount Olympus, it’s not part of their plan, but Luke said he’s interested in her and her siblings tell her people in love are supposed to be reckless, and she lets him go.

The next morning, she’s questioned about the missing lightning bolt and tells them she has no idea, ignoring the sinking feeling in her gut, because people in love don’t betray each other.

They’re sitting together, Luke having finally taken her on their date more than a month after he promised, while the new kid at camp was off on a terrifying quest, and she tries not to feel awkward holding his hand on a picnic blanket.

Her siblings had gotten her ready for this date, explained to her how she should be prepared to hold his hand and cuddle and kiss him right at the end, never mind the fact that Silena is fourteen and Luke is seventeen and the excitement of the date wore off around the time she was questioned about stealing from the gods and-

“Luke, did you steal the lightning bolt?” she asks, her voice quiet, staring into his eyes.

He grimaces and looks away. “Why did you have to bring that up now, ruin the mood? We were having such a nice time, let’s focus on that. All that other stuff doesn’t matter right now.” 

He leans into kiss her, closing his eyes, but she pushes him off indignantly. “I really want to know, Luke, I lied for you, I think I have the right to know-“

“Love is about sacrifice, Silena,” he says darkly, pulling her back to him. “I thought you of all people would understand that.”

This time, when he pulls her into kiss him, she lets him. 

Her siblings tell her it’s a success and that she’s now a true member of the Aphrodite cabin afterwards.

It’s a few weeks later, after Grover and Annie and that new kid – Percy Jackson, she knows his name now – have returned from what should’ve been a suicide quest, and she hasn’t seen Luke after he tried to kill Percy.

Tried to kill a kid, a twelve-year-old, she corrects herself.

She doesn’t think love has an excuse for that.

Her siblings tell her to love him and leave him, drop the connection, but she doesn’t think that’s how love works either. 

Most of the camp knows about their date and looks at her warily now, but a fellow head counselor, Charlie, has been seeking her out to make sure she’s okay and spend time with her. She feels carefree and happy around him, there’s butterflies in her stomach every time she sees him.

She compares it to how she feels with Luke, stressed and heavy and secretive, and doesn’t know what it means.

She knows he’s bad news – has heard her siblings say it a million times – but when he Iris-messages her to meet up just outside camp, she does it anyways.

Love is about trust, and she’s determined to show her mom she gets it.

He shows her a special phone shaped like a seashell and tells her he’s been sent on an important quest to save lives. He tells he was forced to burn his bridges so everyone would think he’s betrayed them and that eventually he’ll come clean and they can both be heroes. He tells her he needs his girlfriend to back him up.

It doesn’t sound right – she thinks Chiron would’ve told the head counselors, at least, if Luke was going undercover – but she takes the phone anyways. She’ll do her part to help her boyfriend.

Charlie pulls her aside when she gets back to camp, asks her on a date, but she feels the terrible, burning weight of the phone in her pocket and tells him not yet.

It’s three years later and all she can think is that she’s the same age as Luke was when he betrayed them all, trapped her in this terrible lie.

There are no pretenses left between them, no kind manipulation and secret kisses, and he blatantly blackmails her by threatening to expose her as a spy and kill her friends. She’s exhausted of living this half-life, but doesn’t know what she’ll have left if she loses the trust of her fellow campers- there’s nowhere else for her to go.

She and Clarisse are best friends and they’re preparing to fight a war together and she doesn’t know how to manage. 

They sit together during strategy meetings – war counsels, she thinks bitterly – and she tries to relay only the briefest details to Luke.

Her friends confide in her still, having no idea who she really is. One night, Clarisse rants to her about how she feels the war is a death sentence and that her cabin is undervalued for their brute force contribution.

She sits there, quietly, thinking about everything she’s heard from Luke about the terrible threat facing them when the war starts, and tells Clarisse she should hold her cabin back until she gets the respect they deserve, encouraging her to put her foot down.

Love is about protecting those she cares about, she feels sure, and she’s willing to do whatever it takes to minimize the casualties of those on the right side even if it means continuing to suffocate under Luke’s control.

She watches the fighting play out in Camp Half-Blood, sits through counselor meetings where Annabeth and Percy – all grown up now – talk about how unwinnable this is without Ares cabin, and she wonders if she has any loyalty left.

Percy Jackson is days away from turning sixteen and Silena watches with bated breath. 

She stands with Charlie as he’s leaving to pick up Percy, begging him not to go. She didn’t know he was leading the mission when she gave Luke the intel about it and she’s worried he won’t come back someday.

He calls her beautiful, not pretty, and brilliant and smart and kind, and kisses her sometimes.

He kisses her goodbye, hugs her tightly, whispers her promises. 

He tells her that he loves her and will come back to her, and she thinks that this must be what love is: coming back to each other no matter what.

He dies that day, and she realizes that love is short-lived and dangerous. Meaningless. 

She brushes off her fellow camper’s looks of concern and attempts to reach out, pushes away Clarisse when she tries to meet to talk. All she can do now is focus on destroying Luke and she doesn’t have time to play nice with the campers – children, just like her, that she grew up with – she’s sold out to the enemy.

She’s done with them all now.

She rides into battle fearlessly. She has nothing left to lose.

It’s a little ironic how this final reckless act – useless sacrifice, it’s just to buy time, it’ll never work – involves her dressing up as her friend, one final lie to her friends-

She hears people calling her name but it’s too late now to save her. The draconian monster strikes her down quickly and she feels Clarisse scream her name louder than anyone else. 

She’s been caught between two worlds, the gods versus the titans, demigods versus monsters, friends versus Luke, and now she’s caught between life and death.

She can feel Charlie calling to her, telling her it’s okay and that they can rest together now, and Clarisse begging her to hold on.

She’s wasted years trying to figure out what love was meant to be, but now she knows: love is selfless, love is kindness, love is whatever she wants it to be.

There’s acid on her face, she feels it burning, knows she’s not even pretty anymore, but they still care about her. They still love her.

She thinks her mother would be proud.

She smiles weakly, a hand to the gaping wound in her stomach, and she tries to communicate to her best friend that it’s okay.

“Charlie…See Charlie…”


End file.
